Flagrant Fouls

Just Hangin' Out Like Greg Oden

Open Letter to Gilbert Arenas

Posted by Richard on January 8, 2010

Congratulations, Gilbert Arenas! You’ve won my Dumbass of the Year Award! And yes, the season’s less than halfway over, but I decided to create this contest and declare you the DOTY in about a week’s time.

Seriously Gilly (may I call you Gilly?), what were you thinking, man?! I thought things sounded pretty bad when the story first broke, but I gave you a pass — I can understand your desire to get the guns out of the house with your new daughter being born, and it sounds like a plausible excuse. But was taking them to work with you really your best option? And unless you’re a superhero (I presume your weaknesses would be in your knees and in your shot selection), your daughter won’t be mobile for a little while. You could have gotten rid of the guns some other way…couldn’t you have arranged to turn them in to the police? I know cities have programs like that sometimes, and it would have been perfect for you, since the guns weren’t registered. Speaking of which, there’s NO reason for you to carry unregistered guns. Didn’t you learn about that in ’03 when you caught that gun charge?

With your extremely rich history of pranking, none of this surprised me. However, the joking around with Javaris Crittenton in the locker room was way over the line. For one, if you’re carrying for protection, you don’t let everyone in the world know you’re carrying. Nevermind that you were violating league rules by bringing them to the arena at all, but that “joke” you played on Javaris wasn’t even that funny, loaded guns or not. Even after that, I think you still had a chance to skate by for a few more weeks. Going to talk to the cops was the right thing to do. If you have nothing to hide, then don’t hide.

The statement you released was okay also – it seemed genuine and contrite. Well, at least it did before you got on that damn Twitter. I know your aim is to entertain your fans, but Twitter is pure evil for a lot of athletes. It just seems to get you (and other players) in trouble. Alright, re-read your statement. Now, read your Twitter. Oh yeah, you deleted it. It’s a little late for that, Gilly. Here ya go — you do know the internet is very much public, right? It’s more public than actually being in public. Your statement seems a lot less genuine and contrite now, doesn’t it Gilbert?

Still, I think it was your actions that really did you in and made David Stern act sooner than later. Firstly, a lot of people in the media overlooked the gambling, the true cause of this catastrophe. I know you like to gamble a little bit, and I don’t mind a little wager now and then. Still, David Stern doesn’t like gambling. Well, he probably doesn’t hate gambling itself, but he doesn’t like his product being associated with gambling in the media. He also probably didn’t enjoy you taking aim at your teammates with your finger guns against Philly on Tuesday. Also, don’t think we didn’t catch you double-wielding against Memphis, either.

If I get caught bringing guns to work, I might get security called on me, and I’d be surprised if I weren’t fired. If you’re convicted of a felony, you can definitely kiss the rest of that fat-ass contract of yours adios. With your time off, you should brush up on the NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement (specifically this part) and NBA Constitution (especially this part). I suggest you lay low until further notice. The Wizards organization is embarrassed and may already be trying to forget about you, so keeping your mouth shut (and your fingers off the keyboard) will help another team take a chance on you. You’re a nice guy from what I know, and a mentor as well. To tarnish that part of your reputation is terribly unfortunate, and I really do hope you can bounce back from it, whether it be this season or later. Still, it’ll take time for people to forgive you for your actions.

Personally, you’ve wrecked MY fantasy team, so thanks for that. Also, your poor choices haunted me last night’s Texas Alabama game for me, particularly when your cousin Javier Arenas went off on Colt McCoy’s backup Garrett Gilbert.

Oh yeah…Happy Belated Birthday.


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